12 Days of Christmas Day 8
A Letter to Santa by Jack Dandy
Dear Old Man, I am not entirely certain I believe in your existence. However, I do prefer to be… prepared for any eventuality. Therefore, I am sending you a list of things you can feel free to pop down the chimney this Christmas Eve, provided you have not decided to leave a sodding piece of coal. We both know I’ve been naughty. We both know that I’ve also been exceedingly good at it.
1. A new beaver hat. My current chapeau has a bullet hole in it, which, as you can imagine, is quite unsightly.
2. A book on how to how to understand women, as I seem to have inherited one. And perhaps a manual on logic engines, because said woman has one of those as well. It’s complicated.
3. A larger pantry, as the female mentioned above has nearly cleaned mine out.
4. Patience. Apparently I have none.
5. Tact, manners and feeling. Apparently I am lacking in those as well.
6. A moment of peace. Bless your old heart.
7. And perhaps you might see fit to acquiesce to the wishes and desires of Finley Jayne and my dear hungry Mila, two girls I have grown fond of despite my better judgment. In fact, if you could look out for all of that motley bunch at King House, I’d be in your debt.
On second thought, just leave the coal.